I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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