"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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