Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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