Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
