well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He? As in you personified your dick?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
