who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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