Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
