Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
