whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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