Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
