We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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