I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
