I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
