I think I won the penis lottery.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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