Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
