I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
