ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
