jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
