I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
