Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
