Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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