how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
