You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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