I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
