Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
