she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
