I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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