so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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