so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
