You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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