shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
