Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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