$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
