google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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