Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
