ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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