You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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