Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
