I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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