Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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