Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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