I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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