I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
