i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
