Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
