Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
