So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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