the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
