I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
