I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
