The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
