her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
