I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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