Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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