It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my liver is dry heaving
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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